Olivia is one of those tough girls. I used to consider myself lucky if she just rolled her eyes at my directions, yet leisurely followed them. It took me the better part of the past five months to get her to move from leisurely following my directions to leading others to follow them. I want to say that her ease in attitude came about from my perseverance to relate; but honestly, it happened because I discovered that underneath it all, she’s a softy. And she loves her friends.
This past fall, America SCORES Bay Area decided to take on its first middle school program. Although I have worked with elementary kids for the past six years, I was surprised at the difference between ages. It was a challenging start, but we eventually found our rhythm. As coaches, we learned to balance the slew of drama that defined many of our kids' lives with a structured and safe space for our group to come to every Monday and Wednesday afternoon. Within our team, we had kids who recently came to the U.S. as refugees, some who move between foster care and home, and many who have older siblings involved in gangs. With a difficult home life and the rocky emotional terrain that comes with being a 12 year old girl, it’s no wonder Olivia barely gave me the time of day. She had nights to contend with.
As the weeks went by, our group began making connections, through the soccer practices and in the classroom when we worked on challenge games and writing curricula. We were becoming a team, and Olivia was clearly one of the unofficial “captains”. With her fearless stance and engaging features, she is a natural leader. Along with her best friend Maya, they often acted as spokespersons for the group.
Two weeks ago, I noticed that Olivia and Maya came to practice separately. They didn’t seek one another out, and Maya's demeanor was stiff and agitated. Olivia followed the starting ritual of laps without a word or trace of an eye roll. I put down my clipboard and started running along beside her to find out what was wrong. What unraveled was a familiar tale of love and exes, amplified by the eighth grade mind. Maya and Olivia were fighting over an unexpected kiss given to Olivia by Maya's ex-boyfriend. When Maya found out, the feud erupted.
The argument was an exploration into the realm of adulthood, representing love, respect and in this case, sisterhood. Olivia had broken her bond with her sister-friend Maya; and Maya was hurt. By bringing the two girls together to resolve their conflict, I was able to mediate what became more than just an understanding. They found common ground in annoyance for the people that had egged on their fighting, and they remembered how it felt to be in one another’s company. They realized that their friendship was more important than Olivia's mistake. Gradually, Maya eased away from the fence she leaned on and she looked Olivia in the eye and accepted her apology. I moved away to let them make up in private and joined the larger practice.
After that day Olivia became part of the team. She put forth real effort in the drills and used her innate leadership to motivate the other players when needed. I like to think that it was because she understood that being part of the team can offer her support in a way that will help keep her emotionally safe and strong. That she will learn skills which she can apply to getting through her world with success. But really, it’s because she loves her friends. And as long as I get the chance to teach her some new skills and she follows directions without rolling her eyes, I am happy.
“Love is the beauty of the soul” — St. Augustine
Angela Bailey
Program Manager
This past fall, America SCORES Bay Area decided to take on its first middle school program. Although I have worked with elementary kids for the past six years, I was surprised at the difference between ages. It was a challenging start, but we eventually found our rhythm. As coaches, we learned to balance the slew of drama that defined many of our kids' lives with a structured and safe space for our group to come to every Monday and Wednesday afternoon. Within our team, we had kids who recently came to the U.S. as refugees, some who move between foster care and home, and many who have older siblings involved in gangs. With a difficult home life and the rocky emotional terrain that comes with being a 12 year old girl, it’s no wonder Olivia barely gave me the time of day. She had nights to contend with.
As the weeks went by, our group began making connections, through the soccer practices and in the classroom when we worked on challenge games and writing curricula. We were becoming a team, and Olivia was clearly one of the unofficial “captains”. With her fearless stance and engaging features, she is a natural leader. Along with her best friend Maya, they often acted as spokespersons for the group.
Two weeks ago, I noticed that Olivia and Maya came to practice separately. They didn’t seek one another out, and Maya's demeanor was stiff and agitated. Olivia followed the starting ritual of laps without a word or trace of an eye roll. I put down my clipboard and started running along beside her to find out what was wrong. What unraveled was a familiar tale of love and exes, amplified by the eighth grade mind. Maya and Olivia were fighting over an unexpected kiss given to Olivia by Maya's ex-boyfriend. When Maya found out, the feud erupted.
The argument was an exploration into the realm of adulthood, representing love, respect and in this case, sisterhood. Olivia had broken her bond with her sister-friend Maya; and Maya was hurt. By bringing the two girls together to resolve their conflict, I was able to mediate what became more than just an understanding. They found common ground in annoyance for the people that had egged on their fighting, and they remembered how it felt to be in one another’s company. They realized that their friendship was more important than Olivia's mistake. Gradually, Maya eased away from the fence she leaned on and she looked Olivia in the eye and accepted her apology. I moved away to let them make up in private and joined the larger practice.
After that day Olivia became part of the team. She put forth real effort in the drills and used her innate leadership to motivate the other players when needed. I like to think that it was because she understood that being part of the team can offer her support in a way that will help keep her emotionally safe and strong. That she will learn skills which she can apply to getting through her world with success. But really, it’s because she loves her friends. And as long as I get the chance to teach her some new skills and she follows directions without rolling her eyes, I am happy.
“Love is the beauty of the soul” — St. Augustine
Angela Bailey
Program Manager
Beautiful...THIS is where the work is!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed the story and we agree! More coming each week.
DeleteThis is great stuff Angela. Keep it up SCORES!
ReplyDelete